Unique Bonds
by Elle903
Summary: F!Hawke's story. Did DA2 left you wanting more back story? The following are just some of my thoughts that won't go away. Will have all characters but centers on Rouge F!Hawke/Fenris. Begins before Hawke met Fenris. Some Hawke/Anders. Rated MA for sexual content. Thx for Reading :D
1. First encounter

***My first fanfic lol don't kill me PLEASE!  
**

***Sadly no I don't own Dragon Age or any of it's characters...but If i had a time machine I definitely would ;)**

Her merry band of misfits sat around their usual table at the Hanged Man.

Isabela, the sultry Rivaini, only half dressed as always was seated across her. She had taken off her boots in an attempt to get the attention of every man in the place, no doubt. Hawke inwardly chuckled as she remembered the first time she had encountered the damned pirate. A woman able to handle three men by herself was a woman that she could respect. And then, Isabela opened her mouth, and Hawke knew their friendship would be tested.

Then there was the damned dwarf. She inwardly suspected he had payed the man to steal her coin bag the very day she met him. The dwarf had been her white knight….MINIATURE white knight, but her knight all the same….and this was what she hated the most. Hawke didn't like to be rescued. She didn't need it. She was strong and could have very well caught the blighted fool but noooo! Stupid dwarf had gotten there first. Now there was no way she could disrespect this half man. (of course she would never call him that to his face because underneath it all he was more man than most men she knew…but what of his private parts she wondered…no no no let's not think of that…damned pirate)

Anders caught her attention as he lightly touched her thigh. She couldn't help but remember the first time she had met him too. She loved healers, thought that they were angels on earth. Anyone willing to surround themselves in pain and loss was an angel in her book. She saw the cool blue light emanating from his hands as he healed the lying woman on the cot. Her parents worried awaiting her fate. She couldn't help but instantly like this man. Men with ponytails…what can she say? She always had a thing for men with long hair. She couldn't help but wonder how the hair would feel as he was on top enjoying her … _DAMN! Blasted Isabela what have you done to me?_

"I'm sorry," Anders leaned in to whisper in her ear. The apologies that followed every single one of his "accidental" touches were more of a reassurance that Hawke didn't mind his particular touch that day.

"It's fine Anders" Hawke heard herself say. But it wasn't fine, not really. He kept trying to find any excuse to touch her, and she didn't like it. Not one bit! _Although, she did enjoy it_.

"Hawke?" Bethany's voice came out half scared.

"Bethany?" Hawke stood up walking quickly over to her. "I've told you not to come here"

"But you come here!"

"So?" Hawke's voice held nothing more than irritation.

"So…I won't leave if you don't!" Hawke grunted in frustration. She knew her sister wasn't little anymore, but there was something about this group of friends that made her wary. Isabela would surely put ideas in Bethany's head just like she'd done to Hawke herself. Anders might get attracted to her too, and slip in those random touches.

"Then we're leaving," Hawke said determinedly.

They walked through the crowded street back to Gamlen's place. Bethany was mad. Inquiring why Hawke was the only one able to have friends. Hawke explained to her that these weren't her friends, they were just a means to an end. A way to reach the deep roads.

"What of Aveline? Isn't she your friend?"

"Yes you fool. You can hang out with her if you want."

"But she's no fun. Not like Isabela is." Hawke grunted. Bethany knew better than to inquire anymore.

Bethany stopped to peruse some of the wares in a little stall. Hawke wanted nothing else but to get home and take a long bath. The pirate had taken them to find some blighted treasure. It had turned into a wild goose chase filled with countless of armed men. She had washed herself in Varric's room as best she could, but the blood that she missed under her armor was now dry and uncomfortable. She was about to scream at Bethany to hurry up when she saw her entranced by a necklace that was far beyond their price range. Hawke didn't like emotions. _They make you weak._ Lately, she realized they seemed to come as natural as breathing to her. She walked away from Bethany. Sitting on the steps of a worn down house. The inward battle of stopping the tears was about to be lost. Hawke was suppose to take care of Bethany, but knew she wasn't achieving this. She was pushing Beth away; hate and rancor surely rising within Beth. They had always been close, but now she feared that their relationship was too weak. Now that she wouldn't let Bethany be a part of the band of misfits.

She felt eyes on her. The type of feeling that makes the hair on the back of your neck rise. Hawke looked back to where Bethany was (for it was surely Beth that was staring). She found Bethany was no longer at the stall. In a second, she was up, ready to fight anyone that dared touch her baby sister. Then, she noticed Bethany was in another stall still looking for something to buy. Hawke sighed and relaxed, but it didn't take long for that feeling to come again. She was being watched but by who? Hawke scanned the crowd looking at the people desperate to sell things to provide for their family or their habits. She felt that same sadness arise within her. The constant battle that we fought to stay alive...to eat...all was ruled by how much coin you owned. All were too busy trying to get the attention of potential buyers to look at her. _No, whoever it is isn't in the crowd._ Her eyes began to rise up when...

"Come on Hawke let's go home" Bethany grabbed her arm and closed her hand over Hawke's. The action shocked Hawke. Bethany hadn't held her hand like this in a long time. She entangled her fingers with Hawke's own fingers. _Why was she doing this?_ Hawke knew better than to ask. Instead she decided to follow her sister in silence, enjoying the unity between them. Following her sister to their uncle's house, she had forgotten the eyes that were on her.

In the distance a white haired elf didn't know why he stopped walking on the roof. He didn't know why he stared at that woman. She had been standing next to a stall in her black leather armor. Kicking the dirt with her feet. There was nothing unusual about her really. Except maybe her height. She was tall, about 6 feet. He saw her body was muscular. Not overly manly but not necessarily slim and little like most of the woman he had seen in Kirkwall. The small double blades on her back meant she was a fighter. _That explains the body._ Her wavy dark hair dancing with the wind. He noticed her walk over and sit down on the steps. Her hands glided over her face...blocking it from view. _Move your hands_. He didn't want to admit it, but he wanted to look at her. Then, he saw her sprint to life looking for someone. Who it was, he didn't know, but at least he was able to observe her face. He saw her full pink lips…she was biting her lower one lightly. _What are you worried about? _He saw her round eyes..her small nose…her fair complexion. Then another woman had led her away. He fought against himself to follow. A grunt escaped him _You're an Idiot!_ _Find Anso. She means nothing._


	2. Anders

***Nope still don't own DA2 or it's characters.**

Hawke entered the clinic. The smell of herbs permeated the air. She saw the mage massaging a golden haired woman. Heard her chuckling at something he had said. The attraction she had to him obvious to anyone with one eye. Hawke couldn't help but smile…_well at least someone other than Isabela will get some action tonight._

She didn't want to intrude. Hawke turned to leave when she heard Anders call out to her.

"Hi Anders" She said closing her eyes _Damn_. She turned around to find the woman placing her coat on. She was young…slender…and obviously willing to do anything to anyone with the clothes she wore…or lack thereof. Hawke smiled at the woman.

"Bye Anders hope you get the woman you want" The woman walked over to him planting a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm here if you don't." She left without looking at Hawke.

"Well well well…look who's got game" Hawke smiled warmly at Anders sitting down on the table he used as an emergency bed when a nearly dead patient came in.

"Hawke I'm sorry" He said hanging his head. He heard her sweet laugh.

"Sorry for what? Being born irresistibly handsome?" She didn't dare linger on why he had apologized or why he felt the need to. Hawke waved her hand in the air signaling for him to drop the subject. "Anders I need help."

"I'm here for you Hawke" Anders walked closer to her wanting nothing more than to run his hands all over her body. To not have to imagine it was Hawke who he was giving the massages to.

"I can't sleep Anders. Normally, I wouldn't care, but you saw me yesterday."

"Yes you almost die… " Ander's tone turned grave not able to finish the sentence. He remembered the moment Hawke had stopped during one of their many fights. She had placed her hand on the cave's wall dropping her daggers. Her back vulnerable to the bandit that rushed to plunge his blade deep within her. He turned his staff to the bandit but as soon as he began his enchantment he realized the bandit was on his knees with an arrow through his skull. Hawke had realized what happened…she had almost died and all because she was too tired…again the damn dwarf had been her knight in shining armor (or her knight in hairy armor). He saw as she hugged the dwarf planting a kiss on his forehead. Jealousy building within him.

"Yes. Well apparently sleep deprivation does something to your battle concentration." She couldn't help but smile at the rhyming words. _Andraste was she horrible with words._ Anders' eyes not wavering from hers she felt something unsettling. She closed her eyes and sighed. "Can you help Anders?"

"Yes Hawke anything for you just wait a moment" He turned around mixing and brewing herbs gracefully. She couldn't help but watch him in his element. Hawke admired his boots…chuckling softly at the fact that he looked like he was wearing a skirt. Her lame attempt to stifle the chuckle caused Anders to turn to her. Asking with his eyes what she was on about. She shook her head to let him know it was nothing. After wondering how many animals had to die to make his vest-like cover she walked around to see his profile. She noticed the egg-like shape of his face, his light beard, his straight nose. The eyes that seemed to never leave her when they were in battle or at the Hanged Man. Then she noticed the hands that only confused her. His touch was tender. She would give in when he touched her, but as soon as he stopped she didn't want it to happen again.

"Hawke are you here? Hawke?"

"What?" She responded.

"You were staring at me" She saw the sly smile playing on his lips. The smug look on his face. "Do you wish me to give you a massage Hawke?"

"Shut it Anders or I'll leave you with …"

"A kiss?" He interrupted.

"A sore crotch" She threatened.

"Ah… so should I undress you or…" Hawke turned to leave. Stopped and returned only to grab the mixture from Ander's hands. Gave him a lame thank you and stormed off.

In the dingy black room that smelled like the local bathroom awaited a white haired elf. _The end was here. The hunters are all that stood in the way. Danarius would soon fall_. All he needed was a distraction. A group would be preferable…someone to help him kill the hunters or die themselves…he really didn't care. All he wanted was Danarius.

"Hel….Hello?" Anso's trembling voice carried through the room.

"Anso I need you to find me a team…someone to hunt down a treasure."

Anso gasped recognizing the voice.

"Anso will you do it?"

"Yes…I will"

"Find someone capable Anso" The elf walked out the room awaiting for the day he would finally face the tiger.


	3. The Hanged Man

***I don't own any of the characters. All are still Bioware. The search for a time machine has began! **

**Thank you for all that are still reading :D  
**

The day had arrived. Anso had explained that Hawke had taken the job to hunt for the chest. _Whoever this Hawke Human was, he better not disappoint_. He waited hidden in a cave just outside the city. When it was time to move, he would. He laid down going over his plan. He would make sure to come into the fight when he wasn't overly outnumbered. If Hawke's group died then they died. There was very little he would do for them.

His hands played with the red apple he had stolen on his way out of Kirkwall. The crunch of his teeth biting the apple echoed through the cave. For the first time, in a long time, the elf didn't care if the whole world heard the echoes. He knew where Danarius would be, and he knew today would be the end of his troubles. He didn't fear the tiny sounds that could give out his location. He was okay with himself at the moment.

o Earlier That Day o

Hawke went through the daily morning motions. She made sure to awake without making a sound. She was careful to prevent Gamlen from waking up and ranting about the lack of space, as well as to prevent her sister from coming with her. She pulled her armor on…wanting nothing more than to buy a new one. The tattered armor was threatening to stop protecting her in battle. But this had to do. It was all she could afford. _Varric better have found a well paying job._

Hawke headed off to her group's home base. Only she could attract this level of crazy. A former Grey Warden who also happened to be an abomination, a promiscuous former pirate captain, an enhancer of truths surface dwarf, her apostate sister, and a goody two shoes who was sure to become part of the guard some day. Who else could join this mess of a group? Who else wouldn't give away the location of two apostates? A pirate who probably screwed many and owed money to? Hawke shook her head to stop the flow of possible nasty outcomes that could come from associating herself with this group.

Walking through the crowded street she found herself stopping at the same stall her sister had stopped not too long ago. She was eyeing the same necklace that Bethany had. No wonder Beth liked it. It had a small hawk surrounded by small aqua rocks. It would look lovely on Bethany's neck…

"Only 1 Sovereign" the merchant stopped Hawke's thoughts. She smiled at the man before walking on.

The smell was enough to stop Hawke from wanting to enjoy smells ever again. She walked over to the table

"Hawke…are you leaving without saying goodbye again?" Anders whispered in her ear as she took her place next to him.

"Blondie! She hasn't even gotten here yet and you're already professing your undying love?" Anders turned a sickly green and Hawke couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yes dwarf. He just won't stop talking about your chest…I suggest you cover up" The dwarf looked at Hawke incredibly.

"A joke Hawke? You've never joked before"

"I still haven't dwarf" Hawke couldn't help but chuckle a bit too loudly as worry descended upon the dwarf's face. His hands closing his coat to cover himself up.

"Why are you so different today Hawke?" The dwarf inquired. Hawke always seem to be a little too diplomatic. She would always respond a bit too properly for his taste. All he got was a shrug from her.

Aveline and Isabela joined them. Isabela was playing a dangerous game. Commenting on how scary Aveline looks.

"So do men find you intimidating?" Isabela joked. "What about Wesley? Did he?" The mention of Wesley called everyone's attention. They knew who Wesley had been but Aveline refused to talk about him. Hawke zoned out after that, not wanting to remember the man that she'd seen fall. The day still brought the painful memories of her brother Carver. So she did what she had been dreaming about for a while now. Her hands slipped under the table touching Ander's knee. She ran her fingers over it and felt him stiffen up. She didn't dare look up at him yet. With everyone enthralled by the conversation taking place between Isabela and Aveline her courage rose. She bit her bottom lip running her hand up his inner thigh. It wasn't much…there wasn't even any real skin to skin contact but the rough loud moan that escaped Anders was enough for everyone to stare at him. His eyes were closed, face at peace. A small smile lingered on his lips which had obviously been licked recently.

Isabela chuckled seductively "Are you imagining what Aveline and Wesley did at night Anders?" Anders opened his eyes to see the warrior's hand coming at him. He couldn't react fast enough…he felt the impact that would surely come but was amazed at Hawke's speed. Hawke grabbed Aveline's hand and shook her head. Aveline stared daggers at Hawke but decided it would be best to walk away.

"Blondie is that what turns you on?" Both Hawke and Anders had no idea what Varric was on about. They hadn't been listening to Aveline or Isabela.

"Varric, Can you buy us five pints of ale please?" Hawke asked wanting to change the conversation. His astonishment at this statement made Varric gape at her. "I think it's a good a day as any to try ale for the first time."

"Help me Rivaini I only have two hands" They both walked off as happy as any child with candy.

"Hawke?"

"If we play this game Anders you can't keep moaning like that" Hawke commented looking over to where the bartender looked for affirmation from Hawke that it was on her tab. Hawke nodded letting him know that her companions weren't lying this time.

"Game Hawke?" Hawke knew she had said the wrong thing but didn't care at the moment. She was tired. Tired of having to remember people that were long dead. Tired of having to walk around like if she was a stranger in her own home. Tired of having a brick wall between her and this group that seemed to follow her into battle without question. It was time to do what she wanted and she wasn't going to justify it to anyone. So she did the only thing she could think of…

"You should wear less clothes Anders" she whispered softly. Her hands running over his knee once again. She squeezed lightly just above his knee…

"Hawke" Anders grunted out "What are you doin…" His words gave out as she ran up the same trail she had done before.

"Touch me Anders" Hawke whispered in his ear. The combination of her hot breath, her soft touch, and the pleading tone drove him mad. His mind wasn't completely working or he wouldn't have done what he did next. His left hand found her right knee. He shifted it towards him opening her legs. He had had one year of following her around, one year of imagining her on his bed after waking up aching for her. He massaged her inner thigh, farther up than where she was on his. Dangerously close to her most intimate part…he groaned again as he ran his hand lightly over her smallclothes. The sound driving her crazy…the effect she could have on him was something she had never experienced before. She wasn't bad looking but she'd always kept men away with her serious expression. Her authoritative look that signaled she would put down any man that would try to seduce her. Yet here she was, letting Anders explore her. Maybe it was the fact that it was the anniversary of her brother's death. Maybe it was the fact that Bethany had finally shown her some affection yesterday. Or maybe it was just the fact that she felt lonely…she didn't know but she liked his touch. His hand caressed her center again putting a bit more pressure. The small moan escaped her before she could catch herself. The look he gave her then was something she knew she wouldn't forget. His eyes were dilated, filled with lust, he leaned closer wanting to finally taste her lips…to explore her mouth with his tongue.

"Oh dwarf I would make your experience so much more exciting than Bianca ever could" Isabela's voice caused Hawke to stiffen. Anders came closer not caring about anything else than finally tasting her. Hawke pushed him back warning him with her eyes.

"Hawke?" She shook her head to signal him to stop. "I'm not stopping Hawke."

"Not stopping what Blondie?"

"Being an idiot apparently," Hawke answered cutting Anders off.

"A joke and a rude comment Hawke? What is going on with you?"

Hawke left the group then forgetting her purpose for coming here. Anders made to move only to realize he wouldn't make it out of there without being embarrassed. Something was standing at attention…something that shouldn't be. But could he really blame himself? The woman he had longed for finally had allowed him a touch. He hit his head on the table at the sound of Justice.

_She called it a game. You are nothing more than a game to her. Don't be blind!_

_Shut it! Shut up!_

_You are a fool Anders!_

_Shut up!_


	4. Meeting Fenris

***Bioware owns all characters...**

Hawke arrived home cursing herself for forgetting the sole reason for going to the Hanged Man. She needed coin, and she hadn't even asked Varric for possible jobs. Her family greeted her as soon as she walked through the door. She realized that jobs could have arrived while she was out. Walking over to her writing desk a new letter caught her attention. The letter was from Athenril and it looked promising. Some guy named Anso apparently compensated very well.

"Lowtown Bazzar at night," She commented out loud.

"Where?" Bethany spoke. _Damn it might as well take her._

"Lowtown Bazzar Beth. You're coming with me," Hawke turned around to find a smiling Bethany. She sent Bethany over to the Hanged Man to recruit two more companions. If she was going to do this…if she was going to stop protecting her sister and her emotions as much as she always had, then she had to start today. She decided one year of mourning her brother was enough.

o – o

"Are you Anso?"

The conversation that had taken place left Hawke unsettled. Lyrium was probably stolen from the Templars. Leaving what? Her being a drug dealer? Protection of this drug was a far cry from what she wanted to be doing for money, but anything short of selling herself would have to do. _Although I could always sell Isabela ha! Isabela probably wouldn't mind but wouldn't that make me a pimp? Oh the way my mind works. _

Walking through the old city slums she saw Bethany and Varric speed up. They took the front leaving her and Anders behind.

_Great! She hadn't had time to analyze what letting him touch her meant. She wasn't sure if it was just physical or if there was something more. One year of having him leer at her. One year of having him glance at her tenderly. One year of random touches that began that one day she had almost fallen to a large group of bandits. They had been exploring the wounded coast for a group of apostates against Anders' insistence to let them flee. His constant whining wearing her down. She'd finally turned to him calling him names she didn't want to think of now. The hurt on his face apparent. She had little time for remorse however, the bandits circled them planning to steal everything they had on. They had been tough, Bethany, Isabela, and her had been badly injured. Anders ran to her beginning to heal the nasty wound on her side when she'd brushed him off insisting that her sister and Isabela were first. He obliged. She heard the whimpers of Isabela and Bethany then blanked out. She awoke when Anders fell to his knees with a resounding boom. She opened her eyes to find a slumped over Anders. She remembered how weak he had been the first day she walked into his clinic and he'd only healed one person that day. Today there were three of us. His breath was hard causing her to speak._

_"Anders?" _

_"Its ok Hawke I'm here" his hands glided over to her wound. Shaking, he strained himself to work his healing magic some more. "Where are they?"_

_"Sleeping Hawke, now rest." His magic gave out making him curse. This pulled out a laugh from Hawke which turned into a violent cough._

_"Hawke rest!" His voice was strained. He was too weak to try to heal. She remembered her harsh words. This memory, the concentration on his face, and his fragile figure caused her to place her hand on his cheek. The action alone lit a fire in Anders that she didn't think possible. She ran her thumb over his cheek as his hands began to light again. The smile that formed on his lips called her thumb over. She ran her thumb over his bottom lip staring into his clear brown eyes. A soft moan escaped his lips opening them up. She placed her thumb on his upper lip sliding her fingers under his chin. She ran her thumb down wetting it slightly. She felt him run his tongue over her tip. The moan that escaped her fueled Anders' healing. She remembered losing herself in his eyes. Until the light gave out and she fell asleep._

"Deep in thought Hawke?" His voice startled her.

"Sorry." His small smile did nothing to hide the hurt that was obviously still there. "We need to talk Anders," Hawke heard herself say. As soon as she did she wished she could take it back, but no. It was out there and she'd have to make up her mind about what he meant to her.

"Anything you want Hawke," Anders response stirred something in Hawke. The response was filled with the same sadness that often rose in him. She didn't know why but her hand caressed his. _Dangerous game Hawke…a game? Is it a game?_

They turned the corner to the Elven Alianage to find a group of armed guards. Her and Varric instantly released a hail of arrows to the group. Injuring most of them. Bethany and Anders took their positions on the top of the stairs. Hawke dropped her bow withdrawing her daggers and continuing the fight with her rouge skills. The fight was over quickly letting Hawke pick through the corpses for any coin.

The trip through the abandoned house had been pointless. Anso had deceived them. Now it was time to make that fidgety dwarf pay.

"That's not the elf. Who is that?" A woman's voice cut through the fear that was sure to be leaking from our small group. There were far too many. Looking sideways at Anders I saw him remember the very day I had recalled not too long ago. This fight was not as fast as the other. We were tired and weak from the previous fights. But victorious we were. _Anso will pay!_

"Anybody wounded?" Anders asked. We all shook our heads. The small bruises and scratches were nothing.

"I don't know who you are friend, but you've made a serious mistake coming here…Lieutenant I want everyone in the clearing NOW!"

_Ugg! Really? More? How important is this "Lyrium"?_ Hawke thought as her fingers twitched readying to get her daggers. The staggering man that collapsed surprised the group.

"You're men are dead and you're trap has failed I suggest running back to your master while you can" The velvety voice broke the silence. An elf descended the steps…a white haired elf. He stared at Hawke ignoring the Captain. Hawke tried to blink but found she couldn't. _Who are you? _Hawke thought _Slave? He was a slave? And then he glowed…he glowed? Ripped a heart out? Who is he?_

"I am not a slave" he said indignantly standing a bit too proudly for Hawke's liking. Then he explained. His name was Fenris he was a magisters property. Hawke felt her insides boil at the sudden rise of his eyes as he stated this obviously too scared to look at her eyes as he said this.

_There he stood explaining to me that he didn't trust me yet. And somehow that hurt me more than I wished to admit. Something about him attracted me. His voice maybe. His white lines maybe. I don't know but something. Then he asked for my help and how could I refuse to help a sla…a slave? The fire that burned in his eyes as he talked of how this Danarius had treated him was enough to show me that he needed help. To Hightown it is then._


	5. First impressions

***I know I know the last chapter wasn't all that great…but that's what happens when you write at 2 o'clock in the morning :D**

***Just wanted to say thank you to leyshla for the review :D and vivianne22 for the fav :D **

***Bioware owns all characters...unfortunately. **

Hawke

The stupid elf had insulted her companions. He had insulted her sister. Damned elf. And then… "Seems like a waste of a perfectly handsome elf" The words escaped her faster than her mind could process. _Oh this is a weird day…first flirting with Anders and now what? Flirting with an elf? But the chuckle…the small rough laugh that escaped Fenris…the pathetic attempt to cover the laugh with a cough. And the rigidity of his body…obviously surprising himself with his reaction sent me over the edge. The laugh was way too awkward to come from someone that had laughed before. So what did it mean? Did Fenris not laugh? If that was so then challenge accepted elf…you will laugh if that is the last thing I do._

_I questioned him, more to hear him talk than to actually have answers. He was right…he did look strange to me. Strangely alluring. His tan skin…his white lyrium lines…his full lips…his green eyes. _Hawke drank him in trying to remember all of him.

"No one's stopping you from moving on, you know" Bethany's voice came. _Nooooooooooooooooooooo! I am! I'm stopping you! How I kept my composure after that, I don't know. I wanted to tell him to not leave, to stay with us. To join us. Thankfully he commented that if I needed him, his sword would be ready. What sword Fenris? The one in your hand or the one I want to have in mine? Seriously Hawke! Relax. _

"You're not going alone to see him are you?" Bethany's voice came after the elf had left.

"He doesn't seem safe Hawke" Anders egged Bethany on. A hint of jealousy in his tone.

"Relax. I'm going home." Hawke said more to herself than to them. _The elf was handsome. Way too handsome, no wonder Danarius was after him. No doubt he wants the elf, not just his skin, but how was I suppose to tell him that? Better to let the elf think that he didn't matter to his former master only the lyrium. I'm not going to see him tonight. Not tonight. I'm going home!_

o-o

Fenris

_This was Hawke? The woman that robbed me of my attention that day on the rooftops…but it couldn't be...could it? Hawke was dangerous and successful…Hawke wasn't the one person that had caused me to drop what I was doing to what? STARE! _The last word was nothing more than a sneer in his mind. Fenris wasn't like this. He refused to be…but his thoughts continued.

_And then she made me…. laugh._ Fenris growled at the thought. _How should I have reacted? I've never been complimented by someone ….by someone without intentions in the court of Danarius…but why did I want her to have intentions with me? _Fenris shook his head slumping into a chair. _She harbors vipers in her mist! Mages! She is a fool! _His hand covered his face. _Her own sister….meaning what? She had magic? _His hand found an empty bottle on the table. His anger getting the best of him for wanting someone who associated with mages caused him to throw the bottle at all the mages in the entire world. If he hit that damn wall in the right spot he knew he could rid them all…alas, it was not so. He sat there brooding over the fact that Hawke had stirred feelings in him that he's never felt before.

"What would she think of me?" The words slipped Fenris' mouth before he could stop them. _I don't care! I shouldn't care!_ Yet he did and he knew he did. _Would she run? Would she be disgusted by me? …No she didn't run, didn't flinch when my rage won over me and I pulled the heart out of him. But why? Why did she decide to help a runaway slave? Why did she require no payment from me? Giving back my 2 sovereigns after the job was done? _The growl that escaped him now was all he could do to process his emotions. He wasn't a man of feelings…he couldn't be. Over the years, in slavery, he had molded himself to stop the very thought of emotions. He didn't matter. He never mattered. His wants…his needs…his hopes…his feelings. All of it just a dancing ground for Danarius to hurt him more than he already did. So he changed. He didn't feel. _I still don't feel! _He groweled it out over and over in his mind to make himself believe.

His ears twitched slightly as he ghosted over to his sword. He readied himself by the closed door to his room, ready to crush the fool that dared hunt him down. He was ready to swing and end the life of whoever stepped through.

o – o

The door swung open followed by a dark figure. Fenris swung with all his might a grunt escaping his lips. Then he realized who it was…his eyes peeled open knowing full well that he couldn't stop…not in time. His heart raced … he strained to ghost not only himself but his sword. Something he'd never done before. Needless to say, he failed. _Hawke. _Was all that echoed in his mind. He was going to slay down the one woman… the one person he wanted to know better. But it would be done, she would be dead. _It served her right…she helped apostates._

Hawke saw the feral look on his face. The stance that he took. His eyes…filled with rage and hate then surprise and finally, what? Sadness? His eyes were nearly the death of her. They hypnotized her…rooted her to the spot. It wasn't until he closed his eyes and blue light emitted from him, causing her to act quickly. She bent down, rolling herself to his right, away from the fatal blow of his sword.

"Hawke" he whispered.

"Still alive Fenris…Sorry" Hawke chuckled.

_She chuckled? I nearly killed her and she chuckled? This wom…human was insane. I can't look at her like that…I won't see her as a woman anymore. It was too dangerous. Stirred up to many strange emotions.  
_


	6. Fenris' effect

***Nope I don't own any characters. All characters are Bioware's...I will find that time machine and own DA2 bioware! Just u watch!**

"Still … to have the option…must be gratifying." The sadness that leaked from Fenris as he said this was the reason Hawke decided to finally change.

It was time to stop being confused. Time to stop guarding her emotions and being so strict. He was right, she had options. If a Tevinter elf could outrun his Magister and be here at the moment, then she could surely outrun her worries.

"I can see myself staying…for the right reasons."

_Well as long as you stay a while elf, I'll be happy. Content with the fact that the elf would be here another day Hawke was ready to finally sleep. The day had been crazy and now she needed to just shut her eyes. _

"Right. Well Fenris, I suppose I'll be seeing you around" Hawke was about to stand up when the next words rooted her to the spot.

"Had I known Anso would find me a woman so…capable. I would have asked him to look sooner."

_Are you flirting with me Fenris? _These are the words that Hawke really wanted to say, but all that came out was, "Talk is cheap."

"Is that so? Perhaps I should practice my flattery for your next visit. With any luck I'll become better at it." Fenris stated standing up to loom over Hawke. _Next visit? was that a question? Did he want me to visit him again? _Hawke felt herself smile, biting her lower lip. Fenris' eyes fell on her lips. He felt himself do the very thing he promised himself he wouldn't do. The way he looked at her needed to change.

Hawke recognized the look in Fenris' eyes and suddenly everything became clear. The groan that followed the laugh that he gave when she commented on his decorating style. The words that were devoid of real passionate emotion. She recognized that he was going through the same thing that she was going through with Anders. The physical attraction between her and him was obvious. The look that he gave her when he nearly killed her. The glimpses he gave her when they were fighting the numerous figures in this very house. She didn't want to admit it, but she saw the worry on his face when she was thrown backwards by a kick that landed on her chest. The wind was knocked out of her. She stared incredibly as Fenris rushed forward ghosting his hand through the very man that had kicked her. She had smiled at him and mouthed a sincere "thank you" to him just to receive an awkward look from the elf followed by the narrowing of his eyes, an evil look that could have killed her, and a growl. Hawke understood now that she and Fenris might be a bit more alike than either of them would like to acknowledge. Both of them had inner struggles that they were avoiding.

Hawke stood up clearing her throat. She made to walk out without looking at him.

"Your eyes are dilated Hawke," his voice reached her ears as soon as she had one foot out of the door.

"So are yours elf," she responded without turning around. Picking up her pace, she rushed down the stairs and out the front door. _Yes, I'm attracted to you. That is certain. No need to be smug elf._ Knowing that no one could witness what he wanted to do, Fenris let himself smile proudly for the first time. He decided the effect he had on her was something he liked.

**Next chapter Preview:**

**"So you came by yourself?" Anders' hushed voice came out with a hint of jealousy. Startling her from the images that were flashing through her head. One particular one she liked involved the elf, her, and a rope that bound her wrists to his bed. The elf running his hands over her ample mounds of flesh that responded by showing him hardened nipples. He chuckled, opened his mouth coming closer to her. Licking his finger he ran it over her nipple exhaling softly to let her enjoy the difference between cold and hot. He finally stopped teasing her…opening his mouth to enclose her nipple…he was just over it about to close…**


	7. Those things

*** Bioware owns all characters :'(**

***Um...I wanted to concentrate on the blasted wonderful elf, but nope. This chapter just kind of got away from me. Next chapter I promise...all the elf your heart desires. :D  
**

"So you came by yourself?" Anders' hushed voice came out with a hint of jealousy. Startling her from the images that were flashing through her head. One particular one she liked involved the elf, her, and a rope that bound her wrists to his bed. The elf was running his hands over her ample mounds of flesh that responded by showing him hardened nipples. He chuckled, the deep rumble on his chest making Hawke smile. Yet another time she'd made him laugh. The elf opened his mouth coming closer to her...teasing her as he made to enclose his mouth over her breast. Instead, he licked his index finger looking up at Hawke. Her response making his hunger for her rise. He ran it slowly over her nipple. Only to follow by exhaling softly to let her enjoy the difference between cold and hot. The whimper she made drove him completely mad. With a groan he finally decided to stop teasing her…opening his mouth to enclose her nipple…he was just over it… about to close… Her head was about to explode with the anticipation…she was about to feel his tongue on her…

"He could have killed you Hawke!"

Hawke groaned as the image she was trying to hold on to slipped away from her. "I'm alive aren't I Anders?"

"Did you enjoy your _talk_ with the _handsome elf_?" Anders spat the words.

"Hey! Say it, don't spray it!" Hawke laughed whole-heartedly as Anders looked both infuriated and royally confused.

"What is going on with you?" He demanded, grabbing her shoulder, twisting her around so she could face him. He realized he might be hurting her, but it didn't matter: something was off. She hadn't been herself since this morning. Since she'd told him they were playing a game. He chose to brush it off at the Hanged Man, because if he did, then he could happily participate in the game. But now, now that she'd decided to flirt with someone else…now it was time to be worried. "Why are you like this?"

"Like what?"

"A common whore, Hawke!" The hurt in Hawke's face was enough to shatter his heart to a million pieces, but he knew it was the truth. Before today, she hadn't even glimpsed in the direction of a single man. Today she had begged for his touch only to follow that act by flirting with an elf! Hawke pulled roughly away from him and took a few steps away from him. _What have I done?_ Anders thought. _She has every right to turn away now and never speak to me. _But she was Hawke. The new Hawke, and that Hawke would never just walk away. Before today, she would have stormed off. She would have seethed in anger only to return the following day and pretend nothing had occurred. She avoided feelings as much as she could. But no! Not today. Not anymore.

"Walk with me Anders." Hawke turned around walking slowly, waiting for Anders to catch up to her. When she heard the soft footfalls that could only be Anders', she began her story.

"Now, I may not be as fluid with words like you or Varric, but if you listen then you'll understand." Hawke took a deep breath both to steady her nerves and to let Anders know that this was too hard to repeat.

"Today marks the day my brother Carver fell to a blighted ogre. He was a fool…always thought he could handle more than what he actually could." Hawke broke off laughing like a madwoman. Those kinds that you find are walking down the street talking to themselves. Anders wanted to intervene but knew if he did, Hawke would probably stop. "I remember there was this girl he was madly in love with. She was rare cause she had these purple eyes. Ha! Purple eyes! Bethany kept telling him that she'd made a deal with a desire demon only to change her eye color…" Hawke stopped not able to control her laughter. "Turns out….that…..she…had.." Anders didn't know why but he laughed along with her. _Who would make a deal for an eye color change? And why would this be funny? _

"Anyways…. Carver went up to her because he thought he could handle her…you know what she said to him?" Anders shook his head too afraid to speak for fear that she might stop. "She told him that her eyes were far too precious to land on him. That's when I realized the only thing she ever looked at was the sky. So Carver, being the idiot he was, said: _Well I think I'm prettier than the sky_ and she went bonkers! She pushed him, making him fall down, and his hand went through this pole that had been broken and was sticking out of the ground. Bethany did her best to heal him but a scar remained. At night, I would see him kissing his own hand…" The laughter began again. "The scar was now the girl with the purple eyes. If he couldn't kiss the girl, he'd kiss his hand." She walked on silent for a while. The difference between her laughing fit and her seriousness now, was light and day.

"It wasn't a funny story was it Anders?" Anders wanted to shake his head to signal that it wasn't, but decided not to. The smile that lingered on her lips let him know that she already knew his answer. "That's how its been Anders. All of the memories that I have of him are so intense. The emotions that arise in me now seem to be multiplied by a thousand. I can't control myself Anders. The tears flow when no one is around. I lost him Anders. I lost my little brother. My mother still looks at me with these eyes…these eyes that hold accusation." Anders wanted to comfort her to envelop her in his arms…to provide a safe haven. The moisture in her eyes pushed this thought away however. The last time Isabela had tried to hug Hawke when she was crying resulted in a brand new scar for the Rivaini. "So what if I embraced them?" Hawke asked simply.

"Your emotions Hawke?" Anders asked confused.

"Yep. _Those things_. What if I actually showed them?"

"Like you showed them this morning?" Anders asked. His heart threatening to fly out of his chest, never to return again.

"Right…about that. I'm sorry I …"

"No Hawke. Not today. How about you give your emotions a break? It appears they've worked harder today than they have in a while." The statement was filled with both truthfulness and immense kindness.

Anders had a way with words, no doubt. He was giving her time to decide what it meant, and she was thankful for it. Anders walked Hawke to her uncle's house, wished her a good night, and walked back to his clinic. He didn't want to linger on his own emotions at the moment. If Hawke was bringing her emotions into the equation, then he could take his out (at least for today). He didn't want to feel the sadness that crept into him whenever Hawke left. Today, Hawke had certainly been different. From her story, he had understood that beneath her facade a lonely and scared girl resided. He'd never understood why she didn't want a man in her life, but now it all made sense. _Those things_ as she had called them were foreign to her, because she wanted them to be foreign. So, she'd finally evolved...finally decided to embrace them. Now all that worried Anders was...where did he fit in her emotions? And where did that blasted elf fit?

_You're just a game. _Justice's voice override any emotions that Anders had at the moment. He slumped down on a cot, in his clinic, defeated.

_I'm more than that. _Anders rocked himself to sleep with his newly found lullaby.


	8. Fenris' lips

***Bioware owns the characters :(  
**

For the first time, Hawke didn't have to take the potion Anders had given her to sleep. She undressed slowly to prevent further damage to her opened wounds. The day had been tough. She didn't want to dwell on it, but they had nearly fallen to the army that Danarius had set up to capture Fenris. _Why such a huge army? Why so many fail safes? Fenris was capable, yes. But he was really just one elf. Then again, as I walked up the steps to leave the alienage I had witnessed how many had fallen at his hands. I guess he really was an extraordinary warrior. _

"Oh" Hawke gasped as one of the clutches of her armor dug into an open wound on her thigh. The open wound dangerously leaking some form of white pus. She had been too preoccupied with other things to notice the wound. The white pus had to mean something, but what it meant she had no idea. She would have to show this to Bethany or Anders tomorrow…._ugg Anders. Great day to finally give in to his touch, Hawke. Really! Awesome job. _

Hawke laid down releasing a deep breath. It had been a long productive day, but without any real pay.  
The 2 sovereigns would have greatly helped, but how could she have taken away all that a former slave owned when she hadn't really given him his freedom? _Oh well! At least one more misfit to add to our merry band. _With a smile on her face, Hawke finally went to sleep.

O.o

Varric

Now let me just paint the picture for you here. In walks Hawke with a smile on her face. Not that empty polite smile she always wore, but an actual genuine smile. Maker, was I happy to see that. Then she announces to the group that a new member is joining our motley crew. A _HAPPY PLEASANT_ elf! Excuse me Hawke but where have you been? The elf we met was anything but happy. He's pleasant she says. He's interesting she says. He's a good fighter she says. _You're a little too in love with the elf_, I say. Imagine the surprise when the marked elf walks in and finds our table with a stark expression.

The elf had a beating heart so, of course Rivaini instantly worked her magic, or at least tried to. Andraste! Was it fun to see the _happy_ elf growl at Rivaini to _avert your eyes _(now say this in your deepest growly voice and I bet you won't get anywhere near the hatred he used) and _keep your distance_ (again just indulge me… say it out loud…come on snarl it out…I'm waiting…I bet you can't even get a tenth of his hatred in there). But Rivaini is, well… she's Rivaini…she'll keep trying and probably succeed.

"Fenris. Hello. I was just telling the group about you. Sit. come on. You already know Varric, Bethany, and Anders from yesterday. Meet Aveline and Isabela. I promise only Isabela will try to touch you." Hawke smiled genuinely at Fenris. And guess what? The damn elf actually looked sad. Well well well. Might I have a new story developing here? I think so. Hawke and the elf? I can't help but snigger at the thought.

The elf was obviously a little too uncomfortable with the whole greeting thing, because he merely looked at us. No gestures, no hand to shake, not even a smile. _Sure Hawke he's pleasant._

"Well broody you a gambling man?"

"Broody?" The elf actually had the audacity to not like my nickname. _Who doesn't like my nicknames? Don't…don't even think of Aveline._

"Yes. You're broody. I'm Handsome. That's Sunshine, Blondie, Red, and Rivani. And HAWKE missed the most important member…meet Bianca. The only one that only truly matters."

"I see" the elf responded smugly. What? Had he never seen a man tenderly stroke the love of his life? Had he never seen him caress her gentle curves? It wasn't my fault he'd never seen that.

Anyways what happened after that I don't really remember. I remember Hawke buying us loads of pints. I remember losing myself to Bianca. I remember winning some coin and then I remember…well let's just say it was a good day.

O.o

"They're strange" Fenris' deep whisper made the world disappear for Hawke.

"They are" she responded unable to trust herself to form more complex sentences. He was right next to her. If she just moved a few inches she could touch him…But no; he obviously had a problem with that. The threat he gave Isabela mere minutes ago was enough to push the thought away.

"Do you not wish to participate in their game Hawke?" He was closer to her now. Shifting slightly towards her. She could feel the hotness of his breath on her. Maker did he smell good. When she failed to respond he softly chuckled in her ear.

"That's three" She whispered softly.

"Three what Hawke?" But Hawke's mind was elsewhere.

"Lick your bottom lip Fenris. Lick where your markings begin." The demand that came out of her sounded more like a plea which startled Hawke. But he'd been too close. He smelled too good. The lyrium he had on his skin was giving off a light metallic smell.

"Lick my….what Hawke?" Fenris had been too taken aback. He retreated back to his original place making Hawke curse herself for making him retreat.

"Ha! Another win for me. Come on Blondie. Pay up." The mirthful laugh from Varric disturbed both Hawke and Fenris.

The low growl that escaped Fenris was followed by his departure from their table. The group was far too enthralled by Anders' triple or nothing rematch to notice Fenris leaving. Hawke couldn't help but be mesmerized by the look Fenris gave her as he sat in another table instead of leaving the Hanged Man as she had suspected he'd do. His eyes were calling to her, but all she could do was furrow her brow. _Why isn't my brain working?_ His small smile was nothing more than a siren call for Hawke. Mindlessly, she stood up slowly and walked over to the elf that would no doubt haunt her dreams tonight.

"You wanted privacy?"

"No Hawke." Fenris stated more to himself than to her.

"Ok, then why did you move tables broody?"

"Do not call me broody. And do not change the subject Hawke."

"What subject broody? And why do you growl so much?"

"I do not growl" Fenris snarled.

"Ok then why do you snarl?" The small smile that lingered on Hawke's lips lowered Fenris' irritation.

"I do not snarl" Fenris gave an exasperated sigh. "Three what Hawke?"

Hawke smiled at him. Ok, if she was going to do this then she would do this correctly. She sat down on the barrel that served as a seat. The table he had chosen would not allow them to be as close to each other as they had been before, but at least she had a perfect view of him. As soon as she sat down her left hand came up to rest on her cheek. She leaned in to get more comfortable. She observed the elf. She looked at the white hair that contrasted beautifully with his black eyebrows. The tan skin that emitted nothing more than a plea for touch yet his mouth said otherwise. Saw his nose that she wanted to feel next to her cheek as he kissed her. She traced his jaw line with her eyes. They reached his white lyrium lines on his cheek and she decided to follow them up until they fell on his lips. Maker did he have full lips. The contrast between his skin color and his lip color was not that pronounced. The color was only a little bit _pinker? _She thought unable to fully describe them. _Maker do they do look pillow-y. _She saw him stiffen up at her careful inspection of his mouth and came out of her trance.

"I am not an object to gawk at Hawke," Fenris caught the sigh of relief that almost escaped him. Thankful that he was able to speak without hesitation. He'd been through this before. People looked at him, but none had the effect that her stare had on him at the moment.

_Gawk? Maker I was gawking. Wasn't I?_ Hawke closed her eyes. She licked her lips and bit on the bottom one softly without thinking. The thought of his lips were the culprit for this action.

"I will allow for you to gawk at me today Hawke" Fenris stated simply with no real emotion. The small half-laugh that escaped Hawke eased Fenris' nerves. "Most people I meet stare a bit too much Hawke. I have found that if I let them for the first day then the stares subside."

"I'm sorry Fenris" Hawke said feeling like she intruded on something she shouldn't have. Fenris shook his head eager to get back to the topic she was surely avoiding.

"Now Hawke there are two questions you have not answered."

"Right…" Hawke cleared her throat. "You get one answer…choose your question."

"That is not fair Hawke."

"That is more than fair Fenris seeing as how I'm only allowed to _gawk_ at you for one day." The smile that played on her lips extracted a growl from Fenris. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that she had completely irritated him in record time or if it was because of the feelings she awoke in him. Feelings he had never felt before.

"Ok…" He wondered about both questions. Deciding on the one he couldn't figure out. "What could you possibly achieve from making me lick my lips?"

_Ugg of course choose the hard one Fenris. _"Not your lips Fenris. Your lyrium lines." The growl that escaped Fenris was enough for Hawke to know that this was a subject she should have not touched. He stood up with murder on his eyes and stormed off in the direction of the door. Hawke looked down on the table unable to watch him leave. She massaged her forehead softly wanting nothing more than to turn back time and stop herself from asking him this. After she was sure he'd left, she looked up to the door. What she found there nearly made her heart stop. Fenris was standing; his eyes focused on her. They motioned for her to go outside with him. When she furrowed her brow to ask him what he meant he repeated the action. He shifted his eyes away from her to look at the door and shifted his right eyebrow up to silently let her know to follow him. Before she could respond he was gone.

Hawke sat dumbfounded. _Should I follow?_


	9. Tasting Fenris

*** Characters belong to Bioware. Damn you bioware!**

*** Just wanted to say thank you for the reviews Leyshla Gisel. :D I was going to make Hawke stay at the Hanged Man but you told Hawke to go get her man... so she did ;)  
**

Hawke didn't know how long she sat there. She was debating with herself. Half of her being feared that he might just be waiting outside to ghost his hand through her. Kill her away from people that wouldn't try to protect her. He'd leave her there, heartless, lying on the floor and he would wander out of Kirkwall content. The other half of her being wanted nothing more than to run outside and do unmentionable things to the elf. Let's just say… the latter won.

She walked cautiously to the door not wanting to alert her companions. The yells that were originating from the table told her Anders had lost, and went quadruple or nothing. _Oh Anders you'll never beat Varric._ With that thought she was out the door. The cold air hit her like a wave, alerting her of just how stuffy the Hanged Man really was. Hawke looked left. She looked right. No broody elf in sight. She realized she had taken far too long to decide. _He's probably home already._ She turned to enter the Hanged Man again but decided against it. No way could she pretend to be interested in card games at the moment. Sighing aloud she decided to just walk home and call it a day.

She walked home slowly. She wanted time to think. She was focusing on the dirt under her feet. With the elf in her mind it was no wonder what her next thoughts would be. She wondered how it was possible for the elf to walk without shoes. _How often did he bleed? Do his feet even feel anymore? How did …_

Hawke didn't get to finish her thought. Hands grabbed her right hand and pulled her into an obscure alley. Her free hand flew to one of the many hidden blades she carried and placed it quickly next to the strangers' neck.

"Are you going to kill me Hawke?"

"Nope," said Hawke relaxing at the sound of the unmistakable voice. "Not in the business of killing infuriatingly handsome elves with lyrium lines." Hawke was rewarded by an approving moan by Fenris. "Was that a moan Fenris?"

"Stop Hawke. Just… stop." Hawke's body went rigid waiting for whatever it was Fenris was going to do next. A few moments passed, their normal breathing being the only thing that they could hear. Both straining to not look at each other. When nothing else came from the elf…she filled in the awkward silence by placing her blade carefully back into her boot which was made difficult by the fact that Fenris had her against a wall with very little space between them. If he just moved, then she could easily slip in her blade, but she didn't want him to retreat like he had before. So instead of asking him for space, Hawke raised her left foot up and tried in vain to slip the knife into its corresponding compartment.

"Why are you having so much trouble Hawke?" The elf's amused voice coupled with his hand finding a resting place on her waist caught her off guard. Hawke was about to lose her balance. She quickly restored it by placing a hand on his chest…her body moved forward. The action erased the distance between them. Hawke found herself millimeters away from his lips. Her breath became unsteady…the temptation of touching his lips with her own was overwhelming. But she knew she couldn't intrude more than she already had. Fenris was obviously fighting against himself to be here. The fear in his face as obvious as her arousal.

The next steps were too fast for Hawke to register. The proximity caused Fenris to lose control. Fenris' eyebrows furrowed. A growl cut through the awkward silence and fast paced breathing that was coming from both of them now. The floor vanished from underneath Hawke. Fenris' hand snaked under her knee where she had it raised to lift her up and push her onto the wall. A small gasp escaped Hawke. As her right leg came up he snaked his other hand the same way he had the previous. Instinctively Hawke wrapped her legs around the elf's waist allowing him time to regain his balance by allowing him to wrap one hand around her back and the other to rest on the wall for support. The elf ran his hand over her right thigh coming to the spot that was open and leaking the pus. Hawke gasped both from the pain and the utter embarrassment of ruining a perfectly good moment with a disgustingly bad cut.

"Can't the mages you harbor help heal you?" Fenris snarled, hatred replacing the lust that was beginning to form.

"They can." Hawke smiled as Fenris bore his eyes onto hers. The sight of his eyes stopped the words that were sure to be nothing more than a failed attempt at a joke. "Don't focus on that Fenris," Hawke purred out. The voice foreign to her. Had she ever purred before? "Focus on how close we are."

Fenris growled at her tone, sending shivers up Hawke's spine. The growl came from somewhere deep within him. It shook his whole body sending warm ripples of pleasure through hers. Allowing herself to lose control she moaned out.

"Now tell me Hawke. Why are you interested in the taste of my lines?"

"How did you…how did you know?" Hawke asked amazed. She'd never told him she wanted to know the taste. Fenris released a small chuckle leaving her question unanswered.

"I've never….tasted them before today," Fenris stated deep in thought. _Before today? _The image of the elf licking his lips took over. Hawke wanted to ask how they tasted. Could she blame herself? The elf smelled of lyrium. To put it plainly: it smelled a bit like the earth. She figured this was due to Lyrium being an ore. The ethereal smell of the lyrium filled her senses when he was near. When he used his powers, for lack of a better term, the smell was more pronounced. But it only lasted for a little while. It almost smelled like it does on a hot day when there is far too much precipitation in the air and rain falls. The earthy smell that lingers in the air for a while was the best way to describe it yet, it had a second smell. An herbal smell that no doubt came from the elf himself. What would his lines taste like? Earth? Dirt? _Maker I hope not._

Fenris was taking in as much of Hawke as he could. She seemed to be deep in thought…concentrating on his lyrium lines that resided on his chin. The unconscious lick of her bottom lip sent a painful longing to his groin. Something took over and his hand ran up her spine without thinking. The hesitant hand that ran up Hawke's spine brought her back to Earth.

"Would you like to taste?" Fenris asked. His voice breaking. Hawke couldn't respond. Her senses were on overdrive. She felt the low rumble that rocked his body when he spoke. She felt his left hand holding her wounded leg tenderly to stop any further damage to it. She felt herself melt into his right hand that glided over her back hesitantly. Almost unsure of what to do.

She looked up at his eyes and found they were looking at anything but her own. The realization that the elf feared to look directly at her broke her heart. Seeing this man unable to fully own his actions and recognize how handsome he really was, sent moisture to her eyes. Hawke kept her left hand on his chest, placing it over his heart; she wanted to mend whatever was broken within him but didn't know how. She decided to begin by taking him up on his offer. Hawke lifted his chin with her index finger. Careful to touch between the lyrium lines for fear of his withdrawal. She made him look into her eyes. The sadness that resided there from years of pain was soon replaced by something else…what it was Hawke couldn't tell. But this moment was something she wouldn't waste….he had asked her if she wanted a taste and taste she would.

She knew it would be awkward but didn't care. She licked her lips in anticipation and slowly inched forward. Hawke swallowed audibly and opened her lips. Her lips rivaled Fenris' in fullness. Giving him a sensation he had never felt before. He felt as Hawke's warm, wet lips closed around his chin making sure to only touch his left lyrium line. He felt as she glided her bottom lip over the line; tracing it softly. Leaving a warm wet sensation on his lyrium line. He felt the activation of the line before he saw it. He never lost control. Ever. But her action was something new…something that had caused the line to glow lightly. He wanted to stop her, but it felt too good. He decided to just let her explore. Then, then came something he wasn't expecting….her warm tongue flitted lightly over his line. The unexpected touch nearly caused him to tumble over. His knees grew weak and he groaned out harshly. He fell forward putting their combined weight on both of his hands that rested on the wall. His eyes were closed; the sensation riveting throughout his body. It wasn't until a few minutes had passed that he registered the fact that Hawke was no longer exploring him.

"I'm sorry. Have I hurt you?" Hawke asked concerned.

Fenris growled again startling Hawke at how animalistic he sounded. "Continue" He simply stated harshly. Hawke smiled at him as he closed his eyes and raised his chin to give her better access. She stared at him taking in his features only to be startled again by a growl that escaped Fenris. Insisting without words to begin tasting him again.

"Patience," Hawke laughed.

"Hawke," his tone harsher now than before. Something alien drove her to do what she did next. She swore she wouldn't do it, but she wanted to show him some affection. So, she softly pushed some stray hair away from his eyes. The elf opened his eyes which were smoldering with something…something different….something that made Hawke's heart melt.

"Continue" He pleaded both with his eyes and his voice. Fenris bit his bottom lip and added a barely audible "Please." _Maker's breath what tone do I like more? Pleading or Commanding?_

"Fenris," she moaned out before bringing her lips to the same lyrium line. Instantly he pulled himself roughly away arising fear in Hawke. She didn't want him to go. Not yet.

"Other one," He demanded sending shivers throughout Hawke. Her body shook at his demand. _Well I was never aware of the girl that liked taking orders from an elf. _Hawke thought at the sudden arousal his voice had on her. She moaned loudly and took her position on the other line. Tracing the lyrium line with more excitement. Her hips moved themselves…grinding herself on him. The feral sound that escaped Fenris only fueled her desire. Maker did she love the taste. It had been unexpected, but the light minty taste that lingered in her mouth was now her favorite. Their moans became louder with Hawke's insistent exploring. The grinding continued joined now by Fenris. Hawke's hand entangled in his hair feeling the soft velvety texture. Her head was about to explode. The pounding in her ear only rivaled by the grunts and groans that were escaping both of them. It felt like heaven until…

"You know it works better if you actually kiss the lips Hawke," Varric's amused voice reached their ears. Fenris' face, which was filled with hatred for the dwarf, moved to face him; stopping Hawke's actions. She sighed audibly frustrated at the dwarf's lack of better timing.

"Leave us dwarf!" Fenris yelled out. _Us? _Something about that word would have brought Hawke to her knees if it wasn't for the way Fenris had her wrapped around him.

"No no elf. I rather enjoy this view. Plus I think I need to teach you how to kiss. See here…the lips ...these (he puckered up and kissed the air) go over hers. You should smack whoever taught you how to kiss and ask for a refund," Varric mused.

Hawke couldn't steady her breath. She wanted to plead the dwarf to leave, but knew her voice wouldn't work. She licked her lips relishing the taste that lingered on her lips. A soft moan escaping her lips. She looked at the elf in front of her. Maker was he beautiful. Mindlessly, she ran her hand over his ear wondering why she hadn't given them more attention. The action made him hiss and turn his head over to her. Murder in his eyes. The look should have scared Hawke but it only served to heighten her arousal; something she thought wasn't possible. He whispered something she didn't catch in what she could have sworn was another language and turned back to the dwarf.

"Leave dwarf or you will fall at my hands." When the dwarf failed to move Fenris' anger got the best of him. His lyrium reacted under him making him fear for Hawke's safety…he knew the danger of having someone close to him when he lost control…that was until he felt her on him again and he knew he could never hurt her. Not Hawke. Not the woman that brought him this much pleasure. Pleasure he had never felt before. He swore to himself...he would never hurt Hawke...his Hawke.

The reaction of the lyrium filled the air with the same smell that stirred something in Hawke. Fenris' face was turned toward the dwarf giving her a perfect view of the side of his neck which held a swirling line of lyrium. She couldn't help it. When it lit up she closed her eyes and tried to stop herself from touching him anywhere else than on his chin. But the smell…the anger that came out of him…the word "us" only used for people that were actually together…and the hunger…the hunger that he arose in her drove her to the lyrium line. A hard moan escaped her as she kissed her way from the top of his lyrium line to the bottom. The frantic open mouth kisses leaving a wet trail in their wake. She pulled him towards her wanting him closer to her. When Hawke reached the bottom of the line she licked hopelessly all the way to the top. It was pure, unadulterated desire that drove her. She felt Fenris buckle under her touch and couldn't help but smile at his obvious lack of control.

Fenris fought against himself to not give in. To have some form of self control, but it was futile. "LEAVE!" he exploded hitting the wall with his hand.

Varric's mirthful laugh cut through the air as he saw the dent in the wall. After witnessing that, there was no way in hell he would leave Hawke with this man. "I'm not going anywhere elf."

Fenris' growl was unlike any they'd heard before. He pulled Hawke roughly off him, and gingerly placed her softly on her feet making the dwarf chuckle at the anomaly. "I must take my leave pulchra puella. Ignosce mihi." Fenris said not looking back at Hawke.

"Her leg dwarf" Fenris stated bumping the dwarf as he passed him actually making the poor dwarf fall to the ground.

"Woah! Watch it elf!" Hawke heard Fenris yell something else but couldn't catch the meaning. _Pulchra? What the hell did he call me?_ "Hawke you ok?" The dwarf asked concerned.

"No dwarf I'm pissed" Hawke stated smiling merrily at the dwarf.

O.o

*unfortunately no i don't know Tevinter :(

pulchra puella = beautiful girl

Ignosce mihi = forgive me


	10. Repercussions

*** Bioware owns the characters. Thank you for the reviews guys :D  
**

Fenris found himself pacing his room. How long he had been there, he had no idea. There was one thing he did know though…he was livid. He hated everything. EVERYTHING! What had he done? Why did he let her taste him? What had driven him to do that? He saw it in her. The stupid attempts to make him feel something more.

_NO! Push them out of your mind!_ But he couldn't. The images that plagued him flashed in his head over and over again: her hand on his chest running over his heart slowly, almost mending it…the sensation of her hand on his forehead as she brushed away some hair…the nimble fingers that ran over his ear…all of them… actions with absolutely no ulterior motive. And maker did he know ulterior motives when he saw them. Years of slavery had made him keen to the small movements…the minute facial expressions that could give a person's intentions away. It was how he survived after all. Reading people was his specialty. One of the things that he got out of slavery that he didn't hate…the only thing. It had let him survive both the years of slavery and those on the run.

Fenris shook his head. Danarius was the last thing he wanted to think about after what happened with Hawke.

"She wanted nothing more than my touch," He stated trying to convince no one but himself. When that didn't work, he racked his mind for another explanation.

"NO. She just wanted the lyrium…that's all." But the flashes of her soft touches that had nothing to do with his lyrium lines still plagued his mind. He wanted to believe that she was nothing more than one of Danairius' friends that came to use his lyrium for their amusement. He imagined her as one of the mages that touched him in order to power their own spells. Then came the rage; that often followed his memories.

_That's all she wanted. She wanted the lyrium. Not me. Why would she want me?_ And with that suddenly everything became clear. She was a mage herself. _How could I have been so blind? No wonder I had given in…she had cast a spell on me. _The hateful growl that escaped Fenris filled the room. He strapped his sword on his back and headed out to behead the evil mage that had used him.

O.o

Back in the alley, Hawke reached down to pick up the dwarf. The smile on her face threatening to never leave.

"Well aren't we cheery Cherry," Varric mused.

"Cherry?"

"Yep. I'm Handsome. You're Cherry." Varric sneered remembering his introductions to Fenris and pointing one finger to his cheeks.

"Shut it Varric" Hawke said with as much anger as she could muster; trying in vain to get rid of her blush.

"Said Hawke not so menacingly."

The murder in her eyes rivaled those of Fenris a few minutes ago startling the dwarf. "What did he mean about your leg Hawke?" Varric asked desperate to change the subject. Last time Hawke wielded those eyes, ended in the Rivaini's scar.

"Nothing." Hawke was about to leave the alley to continue home when Varric teased her about forgetting one of her most treasured blades on the ground. It took her a while to realize that the blade she had been trying to place back into her boot had been discarded and forgotten. As she bent down to pick it up she racked her brain to remember when it had slipped out of her hand, but found it was all a blurry memory of mint, groans, grunts, glowing lines, and Fenris' commands and pleads. _Maker why does such a voice exist? Why had the cruel Maker only allowed one person to possess that voice?_

"Hey Cherry, how about you leave the thoughts of Broody for when you're alone in your room?" Varric mused at the flustered expression she wore. The dwarf felt his head explode as Hawke's hand came in contact with him. "Sheesh the elf is in for a treat."

"Damn it Varric what the HELL do you want?" Hawke had finally exploded. She was trying to be kind with the dwarf, but he had pushed too much. The constant comments about her tone, his stupid nicknames that never seemed to stick, and damn it! His incredible bad timing today had been too much.

"The tab Hawke. You didn't pay and Corff won't let me or Rivaini go into our rooms or the others walk out of the Hanged Man. He says that if we do, he has a right to refused service. Apparently, he doesn't believe us anymore which I really don't understand why. Who wouldn't believe me Hawke? Name one person and I'll eat unicorn dung."

Hawke cursed herself as she and Varric walked back into the Hanged Man. Of course the damn bartender didn't believe them anymore. Her group was notorious for telling the poor man that Hawke would pay; only to have Hawke explain that she hadn't agreed to that. _Perfect day for him to get smart._ Hawke thought as she rummaged through her pack finding some coin and slamming it down on the counter.

Hawke found herself being led into Varric's suite. She wanted nothing more than to get out of there, but apparently the dwarf had finally found some jobs that they could work on tomorrow. He was going over the list and details which consisted of stolen jewelry, an escaped mage, and some cargo that involved slaves. The decision was obvious to Hawke, but apparently not to some of her companions.

"Look we leave the cargo for another day and find the damn necklace tomorrow. We need money, Hawke. I need money," Isabela said annoyed.

"Well if you didn't waste so much on bad ale then maybe…"

"Hey! Don't you dare bad mouth the…" Varric's voice was cut off by a deafening _slam_ that came from the door. The group turned to find an enraged elf. Varric instinctively walked over to stand between the elf and Hawke. Realizing that this might have something to do with what happened moments ago, Hawke stood up and walked over to the elf disregarding the warning from the dwarf.

"You're a mage aren't you?" Came Fenris' accusatory voice. Hawke was uncertain if he had directed the statement at her; she looked behind her at the group to see who his words were directed at. "Answer me Hawke" The smile that danced on Hawke's lips as she turned to face him halted Fenris' actions. The same one that had led him here.

"Let's go outside" Hawke wanted to avoid the argument playing out in front of the others. Varric muttered something that Hawke didn't catch or cared to catch. She walked out of the room, towards the south of the hall; instead of walking down the steps. Stepping into the room where she met her "friend" that payed her for ridding Kirkwall of thugs.

Hawke had her back to the door. When she heard Fenris enter and close the door behind him, she nimbly grabbed two of her many small daggers out of their sockets and placed them lightly on the table. She turned around making sure to keep her hands behind her, one hand wrapped around each of the small daggers' handle, ready to strike if she needed to.

"Why do you think I'm a mage Fenris?" Fenris didn't respond. He pierced his eyes into hers.

He wanted to explain that he would never do what he did today. He would never allow her a touch; not of his own accord. He would have to be under a spell and that's what happened. He was certain. He knew she was hiding a small dagger behind her. The obvious small movements did not deceive him. Without any hesitation Fenris threw a small ceramic bowl that was placed next to him. Aiming it right at her face. She'd have to react or that would leave a very nasty cut.

In the seconds it took her to duck. Fenris' had crossed the room, activated his lyrium, and ghosted his hand through her chest. Hawke felt the painful stab in the place that now held Fenris' hand and let go of her daggers. A half-whimper escaped her as she fell to her knees with closed eyes. Her hands gripped the arm that was inserted in her; trying to pull it out in vain.

"React Mage and the pain will stop,"

"Fenris," Hawke gasped out.

"React Hawke React!" But Hawke couldn't. How could she perform magic if she had none? Tears began to stream down her cheeks. Small gasps escaped Hawke as Fenris' tone became less ruthless and more pleading. _Fine_ she breathed out softly and reached up a delicate hand to caress his lips. The action both shocked and enraged Fenris. He pulled out of her; storming to the door and placed his hand on the handle eager to get out when he heard her cough. A violent cough that took over; cutting out her breathing. Like the wild animal he felt, he turned around and rushed over to the Hawke that was still on the floor. Tears running freely down her face. A hand holding the same spot his hand had invaded; all the while coughing her lungs out. He thought she would push him away, but she didn't. She rode out the violent cough as it slowly resided. Finally, she took a deep breath and exhaled before speaking again.

"I never thought I'd miss air," Hawke said turning away from him to cover up both her tears and the small amount of blood that stained the hand she used to cover her mouth as she coughed.

"Hawke…" Fenris said uncertain, but stopped when the small coughs continued.

"So…did I… pass …the test?" Hawke managed to get out through the coughs that still plagued her.

"No….I don't know…" Fenris racked through his brain for the answer. In all his years of using this …technique to get the truth, it never failed. But it could fail. This was Hawke. She was extremely resilient. The violent coughs that returned pushed the thought away. He had hurt her….hurt her after he had promised he wouldn't. "Yes. You have…..I am…"

"Fine" Hawke cut him off. "It's fine... Water...Fenris." She managed to get across through the coughs that seemed to not want to leave. He was out the door in a flash. She tried to settle the coughs; breathing in air as much as she could. Walking on all fours she rested her back on a wall. Placing the discarded daggers back in their place. She could have used them...almost did but no. She couldn't hurt him.

Maker had he hurt her, though. She'd been stabbed before, yes, and although this felt somewhat the same she never felt her lungs at the base of her throat. She never tasted the blood that signaled some open wounds inside her. _Maker would mint_ _taste good right now_ she thought as a small laugh escaped her lips. She mused at the possible expression he would give when she asked for another taste. The image of Fenris walking back into the room rid her of her thoughts, however. She'd come here with him because she thought he wouldn't harm her. But he had. Anger slowly began to rise inside her.

He bent down ready to tilt the cup at Hawke's mouth to aid her. She quickly snatched the cup away from him muttering something about needing water not being an invalid. The growl that Fenris began was soon quieted when Hawke's eyes locked onto his. He had no right to be mad at her, not at the moment.

"Hawke I…"

"Yeah. Yeah. You hate mages. Apparently, I'm a mage. So, hate me Fenris." The look in Fenris eyes as she coughed again made Hawke hate herself. The regret in his eyes was obvious to anyone that was willing to see it.

"Thanks for letting me know I have magic, now I can go to the wounded coast and turn all the leaves and grass purple… wouldn't that look magnificent?" She made to stand up when she saw Fenris look away from her. He was trying to hide the smile that was slowly taking over his hatred. She wanted it to be a smooth transition, but faltered as soon as she started. Fenris again tried to help her; only to be stopped by the look Hawke gave him. The hatred in her eyes clawing him somewhere…somewhere he didn't know existed..._my heart?_ Fenris thought.

"Now…" Hawke breathed in steadying her breathing again. It was best she didn't talk but she wanted to let him know he hadn't gotten the best of her. _Hell, I can still be my cheery Cherry self after I get a hand stuffed in my chest. _"Why?"

Fenris shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Unsure of how to begin explaining.

"Why?" Hawke repeated with a rough voice that could not possibly be her own. He'd done that to her and instead of pushing him away, she let him stay. How could he deprive her of the explanation she wanted?

"That was not me Hawke. In the alley. I have never…I would never…"

"Ah, but a spell would explain it," Hawke whispered for fear of another cough attack.

"Yes!" Fenris stated a bit too enthusiastically. He thought she saw it…that she had arrived to the same valid conclusion he had. But as he turned to face her, he saw she didn't agree with him.

"I'm sorry to tell you Fenris..but that was all you. You decided to let that happen." Hawke was worried. She had talked with slaves before. Most of them were too scared to talk when they were rescued or too thankful that she didn't get much information. But there were few, who told her about their lives; what they had to endure and how little they mattered. A slave's decisions, their likes, their dislikes, what they wanted…none of it mattered. Hawke knew Fenris was having trouble coming to terms with such an intimate decision he'd made. She could retaliate (and rightly so) or she could just let it slide.

"That was all me Hawke?" Fenris snarled. Anger taking over again. "I licked my own chin. I touched my own ears. I…I grinded against my own…"

"Ok. That was both of us. But you started it." Hawke whispered (her voice faltering) not wanting to hear him mention his own _member_ for fear of what she would say or do.

"I started it Hawke?...I told myself to taste the damn lyrium?!" The fury in Fenris now back to the point when he had thrown the bowl at her.

"Fine I started it!" She yelled out followed by a few rough coughs. Upon seeing the concern in Fenris' eyes Hawke couldn't help but smile. "Although one could argue it was your aroma." Hawke's smile was wiped away by the seriousness that exhumed from Fenris.

"I…Hawke this can't happen again. I can't…I don't…I don't want you." Fenris sighed thankful he had caught himself before confessing that he couldn't ….but he did want her.

_I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you._ The words echoed in Hawke's mind.

_Then why were you basically fucking me against the wall Fenris. Why were you thrusting into me, begging for my touch, with our clothes being the only thing stopping you from actually being inside me? Why did your cock react the way it did? Why did you destroy that wall in anger? What about your whimpers? Your grunts? Your moans? _Hawke wanted to spit this out at him. Make him see that even though she had started this, he had been a willing participant. But no, she wouldn't beg. She would never beg.

"Ok," was all she managed.

"Ok? Just Ok?"

"Yep"

"Hawke I…."

"Fenris…throat…healing. Job…tomorrow….Varric." And with that she left. She didn't need to hear anything else from him. He didn't want her. Fine. She wouldn't want him.

O.o

Hawke

My throat ached. The taste of blood rich in my mouth. I fixed my hair, dried my eyes, cleaned my cheeks, got rid of the fresh blood on my hand, and walked into Varric's suite with a smile on my lips. I found them laughing at some story Varric had concocted no doubt and greeted them all with a smile and a wave. Nervous that my voice would sound alien to them; I didn't talk. If they were to hear my voice, how could I explain it?

_Oh my voice? Yeah don't worry. Decided to go with the elf for privacy because I didn't want you guys to find out about the slut I appear to have become. Thanks Isabela. ( a quick tsk and a wink at the lovely pirate) He was mad but I mean he's nice and would never hurt me. Right? I mean we basically almost died for him yesterday. But he did. Stuffed his hand right into my chest and did something to trigger a cough attack that resulted in a bloody throat. But don't worry; I'm sure whatever is damaged can be repaired. He was just pissed because I got him horny. Step right up Isabela. He's all yours cause apparently he thinks I'm as ugly as Wyvern dung. A quick wink and a chuckle would serve as the ending. Perfect. Right?_

I shook my head thankful that I wouldn't have to explain it. I needed healing. I knew that much. I've always hated having to ask for help but I wasn't dumb. I knew his hand had damaged something...something other than what his words had damaged. So, Anders or Bethany? Who could heal me? Whatever the fucken elf did; it was a sure bet none of them had encountered it before. So: Anders. He was the better healer.

I sat on the chair next to him as I listened to an entertaining story of a chantry girl finding a handsome sexy elf and couldn't help but think that he might be getting his inspiration from Fenris and I. I couldn't prevent the shudder that took over me at the reminder of his hand inside my chest. Damn it. How the fuck would I explain this to Anders?

As Varric got to the part that was sure to be Isabela's favorite, I leaned into Anders' ear. "Follow me." I whispered in his ear making him shudder. _Well at least it wasn't produced by an elf's hand in a place it shouldn't be. _Anders stiffened up and watched me walk out of the room. Varric insisted that I stay, but again I was lucky enough to get out of talking by just waving a hand and flashing a smile. Reaching the last steps, I was thankful that Anders had decided to follow. The coughs began again giving me a fresh taste of blood. Anders asked me where we were going. "Clinic" was all I could manage and picked up my pace as Anders passed me, quickening his step.

O.o

Anders cursed at himself when he realized he had left his key at the Hanged Man. Hawke smiled, standing between him and the door. She placed a hand on his chest and pushed him slightly away. She found one of the many bobby pins she always wore and bent down; opening the lock and signaling with her hand that it was open. Much like the servants do for the royalty in Kirkwall. Anders let out a laugh, wrinkled his face like royalty, and bowed. Hawke tried as hard as she could to not laugh at his action but failed. The small raspy chuckle turned into a violent cough which she covered with her hand. When it ceased, Hawke tried to hide the new blood that stained her hand in vain. Anders' body became stiff with worry; he ushered Hawke inside and closed the doors.

"What's wrong Hawke?"

"Throat… Leg… Chest... Life." Hawke stated smiling fondly at Anders. She was asking a lot. She knew that. By the look of his clinic, he had closed shop after a long day. Wraps filled with blood littered the floor. Vials were turned over. He had been too tired to clean up. And now here she was like an idiot asking for more.

" Take off your armor Hawke." The sly smile that ran over Hawke's face at his command made him blush. He knew if she could talk she would; which worried him even more. But what she did next stopped him in his tracks.

Hawke was wounded; both physically and mentally. The elf had made it clear that whatever transpired between them wouldn't happen again. He made it clear that she didn't interest him. She had Anders though. She wanted to feel wanted. Slowly she brushed her hair to her right biting her lower lip slightly. She unbuckled her belt. Undressing in front of Anders; stripping herself of her armor. Her laugh resumed when his expressions went from worried, to scared, then exited, and finally depressed when he saw that she was wearing a tight shirt and some shorts under her armor; not the small clothes he thought he was going to see. The cough was her undoing. The sexy stance she was trying to take was wiped away by the fragile look of her body as it coughed unceremoniously.

"Stop laughing Hawke," Anders said with concern. "Lie down." He was aroused; there was no denying that. But he was an expert at covering that much up. Right now was not the time to play games. Hawke was injured. Enough to actually ask for help instead of having to be forced into it. He'd act dumb, pretend he wasn't aroused, just like he had many times before.

She did as she was told. Exhaling deeply at how comfortable the cot was. Anders examined her leg first. The open slash of skin was deep. A few inches more and she wouldn't have been here now. A few days more and it would have surely turned black. He groaned at how reluctant she was at getting healed. The small coughs that escaped her sent him away. Anders returned with some smoking liquid, kneeled down, lifted her head, and slowly fed it to her. As soon as the vial was empty he heard her mutter a thank you as she drifted off to sleep.

O.o

Fenris found himself pacing in his room once again. Trying in vain to push Hawke's image and voice away. So she wasn't a mage. _Maker of course she wasn't…how could she be?_ Fenris kicked himself mentally. Why had he done that? Why had he given her that much pain after she'd given him nothing but pleasure?

The war inside his head was making him wary. He knew that she did something to him no one else had. He felt instant …_trust. _There was no way he could deny that. Yet the animal he was had turned and hurt her instead of seeking the comfort that he really wanted. Fenris grunted again at the sound of her voice in his head. The sensual way she had said "aroma" echoed in his head. He found himself smelling his aroma for the first time. _It appears that this was another first because of her. _He found himself thinking back to the way he had licked his lips wondering if Hawke would like his taste. He hadn't asked her….he wanted to. But he could guess that she did. He fought against himself to not smile remembering her reaction to him.

He'd hurt her. He'd abused her trust. He wouldn't be somewhere he wasn't wanted. It would be her decision. If she told him to stay he would stay. If not, then he would leave her.


	11. Healing

***I don't own Bioware's characters (sheesh feel like a little kid writing lines on the chalkboard)  
**

***;) and now Anders has Hawke...**

Hawke awoke unsure of where she was; blinking her eyes repeatedly, trying to make them focus. Her head was pounding…a hand run through her hair. Had she finally tasted the tavern's ale? Is this what Isabela meant about waking up in a random bed? Then, suddenly everything came back to her…tasting Fenris, arguing with him…she lifted from the cot quickly, gasping out as she felt Fenris' hand once again on her chest. That's when she saw him…

Anders was lying on the floor. She whispered his name softly; feeling her heart break. She tried to remember what had happened. Anders had given her a potion and then everything went black. She looked down at her leg and found the wound had vanished. Her cough was gone as well. Pulling down her shirt showed her a small bruise on her chest that Anders had obviously healed as well.

"3 out of 4 Anders. Not bad." Hawke said a bit too loudly; happy to have her voice back. Anders stirred on the floor calling out for Hawke. Much like a mother guides a small child to bed after they have fallen asleep on the sofa, Hawke led Anders to the cot she had slept on. She knew he wouldn't remember this; it was that period between sleep where real life felt more like a dream. She guessed that he had fallen to the floor, exhausted after trying desperately to heal her just like he had on the wounded coast. Last time, she hadn't thanked him properly but today she would.

She untied his ponytail to allow him to rest his head down. Hawke sat at the edge of the cot. Combing his hair away from his face, using her hands. She focused on that small lock of hair that always seem to stray on his forehead. The soft sound that came out of Anders made Hawke smile. And then she remembered what she had done to him. Her hand ran over her face exasperated at the way she toyed with him. She had stripped for him; with no other intention that feeding her own twisted ego. The elf had dismissed her; so she ran to Anders for comfort…comfort for herself at the expense of Anders' feelings.

"I'm sorry," Hawke whispered lightly as tears began to moisten her eyes. She ran her hand over his hair. "I'm so sorry Anders," As the tears began to stream down her cheeks she lightly traced his features. Maker did she hate herself at the moment. But she wouldn't leave him. Not today. She wanted to kick herself as a small voice in her arose beginning to compare Anders and the damn elf. The tally marks that instantly began to decide who had the best features.

"Ugg." Hawke released all the pent up frustration with herself by beginning to pick up all the soiled cloth wraps that littered the floor. She piled them up where Anders usually placed them; near the back corner of the clinic. She fixed the fireplace; readying it for when it needed to be lit. She swept the floor. Hawke gathered up the vials wanting to rinse them out but afraid of mixing things that shouldn't be mixed. She placed them all on an empty table. Looking back to Anders she couldn't help but wonder if she should wake him up for a lyrium potion. Surveying the clinic one more time told her that the only real jobs would be washing the cloths and rinsing the vials, both jobs that she was a little too afraid to interfere with. Only one more thing to do, give him the potion; she picked up a potion from his shelf.

Hawke walked over to the cot and sat one more time. Hawke stopped her hand in midair. It was looming over Anders' forehead to stir him awake when she realized that it wasn't exactly clean. She tried calling out his name in vain. Biting her lip in concentration, she decided against walking outside to gather some fresh water to clean her hands. Hawke planted a small kiss on his cheek. Anders stirred a bit. _Well that works_. Hawke planted another light kiss on his cheek.

"Wake up Anders," she whispered into his ear.

"Sweetheart?" his sleepy voice came out.

"Nope. Just Hawke," she smiled at him as he awoke;_ thinking of other girls are we Anders_. "Drink this," she ordered, following the same steps he had taken with her. As soon as he was done Hawke stood up softly as he rolled over, seemingly about to continue his sleep. She walked nimbly over to the table where she had set up the vacant vials and placed the newly emptied vial down.

Hawke nearly bumped into Anders as she turned around. He had been standing behind her. The look on his face the same it had been the day at the Hanged Man when she had given in.

"Hello sweetheart," He stated smiling.

"No Anders you're not drea…" Her voice cut out as he started kissing her jaw line passionately. Her eyes fell closed as her teeth tightened shut.

"You've never…(kiss)…felt this…(kiss)…real before love."

And then it hit her. _Oh Maker he thought he was dreaming. _She slipped past him leaving him confused.

"Oh sweetheart but you have been this hard to get."

"Anders. You're awake."

Anders smiled shaking his head. "Can't fool me, darling. My clinic is dirty at the moment, my love. You're asleep there, on that cot. It's time to play, love. I can't do it in real life, but in here, you're mine." Anders walked over to Hawke possessively. Hawke avoided him; wondering over to the table that held his potions. She scanned quickly trying to find the potion that he had given her before. She reached out for it as she felt hands entangle her waist.

"Maker you don't waste time do you," Hawke found herself breathing out as Anders moved himself on her. His hands found her breasts massaging them kindly. The movement rivaled that of his hips as he moved roughly against her ass.

"I've had you a million times love. Let's make it a million and one." Something about those words made Hawke melt. Maybe it was because he dreamed of her. Maybe it was because he had had her a million times but still wanted more. Or maybe it was just her undernourished ego that needed a bit of need. She found herself moving back on him as his small chuckle filled her ears. "Who do you like more Hawke? Me or the elf? Say it Hawke…I want to hear you say it."

Decision time Hawke.

Let him believe this was a dream…his statement about his place being dirty had been his trick to be able to tell that he was in the Fade. What he hadn't counted on was the fact that she had woken up and cleaned. She knew that this was one of the many ways to differentiate between the Fade and the real world for mages; remember small details before you fall asleep. She'd overheard Bethany and her father speak about it many times.

Or, she could tell him the truth. Embarrassing him. He'd confessed too much. Could she do this to him after what he'd done for her? No. She couldn't. So she'd meet somewhere in the middle.

Hawke turned around to face Anders. "My answer is the same as it always is."

"Hmm…why do you love me Hawke?" _Great! Awesome questions Anders._

"Why shouldn't I Anders?"

"You don't love me when we're out of the Fade Hawke." Anders looked at her armor as he ran his hands languidly down and up her chest. "Here," he said pointing to the place she knew her bruise was. "Here is where that monster harmed you. And you let him. You…the real Hawke didn't say anything." Moisture built up in his eyes. "When I saw what he'd done to you my love. I wanted to kill him." Anders kissed Hawke's forehead. The tears that streamed down his cheeks caused Hawke to kiss him on his lips, pouring as much love as she could into the kiss. Anders was shocked at first until he gave in to the kiss.

"You have never kissed me before. I wonder if this is how it will feel out of the Fade."

"We've been together a million times Anders." Hawke mused wanting to ask if they had never kissed, but Fade Hawke would surely know that answer.

"Yes sweetheart. But I always start the kisses. Even in here you appear to not want me." Anders commented sadly. _Damn it Anders can you just go one conversation without breaking my heart._

"Sit. I have something for you." Anders followed her command. She found a drinking cup and quickly poured the sleeping potion into it.

Walking over to Anders she made her decision. She placed the cup on the floor as she kissed Anders again. A slow kiss that turned frantic when he muttered something about not wanting to lose her. She lost herself more than she wanted to. He was a handsome man that wasn't the problem. That's not why she didn't kiss him in the real world, as he called it…it was the repercussions that came from such actions that she wanted to avoid.

But right now he thought he was in the fade. All of her binds came undone. She kissed him until she needed to come back up for air. But he never stopped. He kissed her neck as his hands appeared to be everywhere at once. _One more kiss,_ Hawke thought. She frantically kissed Anders feeling the effect it had on him under her. The stiffness of that particular part of his body heightened her senses. She kissed him this time…not to just nourish her ego but to nourish his. _You're amazing _she whispered into his ear. Chuckling he began to undress her. She stopped him as he began to unbuckle her armor. She handed the cup to him and told him to drink.

"Why should I drink a sleeping potion Hawke? They don't really work in the Fade." Anders asked worried.

"Because Anders. We're going to celebrate our million and one time by having me wake you up with something special in my mouth. Don't you want to try and wake up like that?" She smiled as Anders downed the potion and flashed her a toothy grin.

O.o

Hawke walked home after Anders had gone to sleep and she had secured his clinic. She was deep in thought, it was night, but she wasn't going to spend the night at Anders'. She went over the damn plot holes in her story. When Anders woke up she knew he'd see that his clinic was clean. The nasty side effects were sure to take hold of Anders as well. The slight delusion and memory loss that came with the potion were only temporary. He would find out no dou…

Hawke tried to walk as she had before. Her thoughts were no longer on Anders and what had transpired. They were on the soft footfalls that were behind her. Not a good idea to be walking in Lowtown after dark. She scolded herself as the footfalls came closer…readying her daggers.

"I promise no alleys this time,"

"Fenris how about no lurking either."

"You appeared to be deep in thought Hawke. Didn't want to intrude." When Hawke failed to respond he continued. "I want to talk."

"I thought you were,"

Fenris' eyes narrowed. "I hurt you. I…abused your trust. I see you are better. I imagine you were with the abomination. Can't he walk you to your door?"

Hawke turned to face him. "No. Healing me weakened him enough to make him faint." The small scoff that escaped Fenris caused her to step forward and snarl at him to let her know what he wanted.

"I will not be with a group that does not want me Hawke."

"And your point is?"

"Do you want me?"

"Want you? In what manner? Want you to help me rid the world of every slaver? Want you to help me save all the mages? Want you to help me help all the templars? Want you to drive your foot though me next? What do you mean want you?"

"Want me to aid you in whatever manner you want." Fenris responded cringing at the thought of helping mages or hurting Hawke again.

"What do _you_ want, Fenris?"

"What?"

"What do _YOU_ want? If you want to help, then help. If not, then leave."

"That's it. That's your answer?" Fenris felt robbed. He had expected a fight. He had expected her to show some form of preference. Hating him was better than being indifferent.

"Yep."

Fenris growled. Something in him didn't feel right.

"Tell me to stay and I will stay. Tell me it's my choice and I will leave."

"If you would prefer to leave Fenris then leave. You're a free man. You can choose to do whatever you want. If you feel like you owe me, don't. If you want me to help you with Danarius. You know the routine. Walk into the Hanged Man…tell Varric you need our help…and I promise you will get priority doesn't matter if its a month from now or if I'm 100 years old. My old crusty bones will walk up however many steps to cut down Danarius. We will help you, no matter what." Hawke said all of this without her voice faltering; which she chalked it up as a win. Truthfully, she didn't care what he did as long as it was his decision. And maker! She wasn't going to wait around for the repercussions of this decision. She'd had enough of those. She turned around and headed home.

Fenris stood there not knowing what to do. He wanted to run to her. To shake her. To tell her to tell him she felt the same way he did for her. He wanted to know that she liked him. Wanted to know that she liked his taste. Wanted to know that she liked his aroma. He wanted to confess, to tell her that he couldn't do this; not like a normal person would. Feelings; these were new to him. Decision as well. She needed to understand that he needed time. He _did_ want her. But he _couldn't _want her. Was that so hard to understand?

He settled for following her all the way to her home. When he saw her enter and close the door he looked at the ground content that she was safe. As he turned to leave he picked up the sound of a door opening.

"Thanks for stalking me home," Hawke's voice was sweet. The first time in their conversation. Fenris smiled up to her unsure of what to say. He bowed his head and _smiled _kindly. "Thanks for the smile," she said closing the door.

"aeternum" Fenris muttered. "Always my Hawke."


	12. Coming Back

***Bioware owns the characters that sound familiar ;) **_  
_

_Graceful._ That's how she wanted to be. That's how she needed to be. She grew up watching her mother and father running away from place to place; fleeing from the templars. Always vigilant, always telling her that no connections needed to be made with anyone. If they wanted to pack up and leave, relationships would make it difficult. So she grew up, away from others. Always afraid that someone might find out what her father really was. That was until the blight had arrived. With her father gone, she decided to make her family safe. No more running; Mother had led them to Kirkwall. But where they really safe?

"So are we going to find Rodrick?" Bethany asked.

Bethany's voice surprised Hawke; stopping the depression that was soon to come with that train of thought. _Graceful_ was the farthest thing she was from, at the moment.

Isabela, Bethany, Anders, and Hawke walked around the wounded coast. It had been a productive day, they had found the slavers. Destroyed their smuggling ring and even gotten the name of their boss, Rodrick. Another day. Another name.

"Varric will use his hairy chest to attract information on him, Little Hawke" Isabela purred at Bethany. "Never underestimate the power of short men with chest hair," she winked seductively at Hawke. Making Hawke giggle like a little school girl.

The memory of the story Isabela had told her as they walked home one day always resulted in giggling. Apparently, the dwarf had gotten so drunk he wanted a night with the sultry pirate. He had proposed she lick every hair on his chest, but she had declined. Hawke had believed her story until she got to the part where Isabela had supposedly turned down sex. If you knew Isabela, you knew she would try anything once.

"Hawke?" Bethany inquired wondering why her sister had laughed like that.

"Ooh! Hawke can I finally taste…?" Said Isabela, taking Hawke's giggle as an invitation to her advances.

"Isabela," Anders warned.

"What? I was just going to say her finger," Isabela waited until Anders relaxed to continue, "after…it's been touching,"

"Isabela,"

"Straw..berries! My, my, what dirty mind we have Anders." Hawke looked over at Anders noticing the blush that had taken over his face. When Anders locked eyes with Hawke she couldn't help but smile a bit too seductively. The action adding color to his blush.

"What are you talking about?" Bethany asked confused.

"Come here little Hawke, let's walk and talk," Isabela sauntered over to Bethany. Placing her hand on the small of Beth's back and whispering something between them.

"You know she'll corrupt her, right?" Anders asked Hawke once both girls took the lead.

"Someone will corrupt her eventually, might as well be our very own pirate with the story of how Varric seduced her," Hawke laughed as Anders' jaw dropped.

"Wha...nevermind. You seem happy," Anders said with a smile. "Why are you so happy?"

"Just glad Isabela is taking after Varric and besides I'm always happy. Am I not?"

"You are. But most wouldn't be, after they had a hand inside their chest." Ander's words made Hawke's stomach tighten. So he did want to talk about what had happened. Hawke looked ahead and saw her sister smiling wickedly, her full attention on Isabela. Feeling secure that only Anders would listen to anything she had to say, she allowed herself to continue with the conversation.

"It was justifiable,"

"Hurting you is never _justifiable_ Hawke."

"I provoked him. Made him do something he wasn't ready to do."

"It still doesn't…" Anders trailed off midsentence. There was no way he was going to convince her to be mad at the elf after what they had encountered. Hawke had a way of forgiving anything when she saw what slaves went through. "So what do you think of him?"

"He seems to be good with his sword; incredible fighter. We could use his help, if he ever comes back,"

"What?"

"He left. Asked me if I wanted him to stay. I told him it was his choice. I expected to see him here today since I asked him to join us…of course," Hawke was deep in thought. "Of course…I didn't really ask him just kind of said job, tomorrow, Varric. Hmm…does that sound like an invitation?"

Anders didn't really want the conversation to take this route. He wanted to ask her about last night. He tried to remember what had happened, but it was too confusing. It felt more like a dream within a dream. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but the conversation seemed to have taken them to the elf instead.

"Are you okay Anders?" Hawke asked once she noticed Anders wasn't really interested in talking about the elf.

"I…I can't remember what happened after we got to my clinic Hawke."

"I remember you making me sleep," Hawke smiled at Anders making him blush. "Then waking up as healthy as ever. You were sleeping next to me in the cot. You fainted; thankfully in the cot. There was no way I could have moved you otherwise. I decided to help you clean up a bit and then headed out."

"So…I didn't…"

"Didn't what?" Hawke didn't know what made her inquire. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She knew she shouldn't touch the subject, but something drove her to it.

"Nothing Hawke." Anders smiled. Half of him wanted his dream to be real. Yet, the other half felt at peace. Nothing had happened with Hawke. She didn't know what plagued his dreams. He wasn't at risk of hurting her now. He had a plan and falling in love wasn't in it.

They walked on, making idle conversation. Isabela and Bethany joined them. Making Hawke laugh louder than she ever had and Anders blush. The story of the constant noises that originated from the dwarf's room at night and the effect it had on the pirate in bed were no doubt Isabela's imagination at its best. But the light hearted stories after witnessing so much pain were very much welcomed.

O.o

Five days passed by slowly. Hawke knew this much because it had been five days since she'd seen that damn elf that had apparently made a home in her mind. The group was waiting on information on this Rodrick without much to do. Hawke had apparently pissed off someone high up in the food chain when she hadn't taken the jewelry job because all meaningless work had stopped.

Isabela's pestering didn't help matters either. _If you had listened to me, then we would be swimming in money Hawke. Help out one person in power and all the rest come running. _After her speech (which came a few times a day), Isabela would saunter off claiming that she'd have to lead some fool on for some coin. Hawke knew Isabela was right, but those slaves would not have their freedom right now if she hadn't let one meaningless necklace go missing.

Today, they were at the Hanged Man, like most days. Varric dealt everyone a few cards instructing them on how to play. That's when the air became dense, at least it did for Hawke. The elf sat next to Hawke without saying a word. His presence alone flared something up in Hawke. _Don't look. Don't look. Don't look._ Hawke wrinkled her eyebrow commanding her eyes to stay on the damn cards.

"Broody where have you been?" Varric chuckled sliding cards to the elf only to have them returned.

_Look at the cards…look at the cards….maker look at the number 5. I think that's my favorite number. Or could number 9 be my favorite?...Do I have any other favorites? ...No don't think of your favorite elf. Don't do it Hawke._

"I have been at the mansion dwarf."

_Maker don't look. Don't listen to his voice. No Hawke, his voice is not the sexiest in the planet. It's not! What? He's getting closer. He can't be getting closer. No! Please Fenris don't slide over don't …damn it. _

"I wish to talk to you Hawke," The elf peered closer, whispering into her ear.

"I'm listening," _And trying not to look at you. Not to breath in your smell. Maker why are you so sexy elf. Think of dead kittens Hawke. Kittens…lovely kittens with lyrium markings that taste like…no dead kittens._

Fenris looked around the table worried. "Not here, Hawke," If he was going to be rejected it wasn't going to be in front of everyone. "In the mansion."

_Oh no! Not somewhere where I have no distractions. Damn elf you mess with my mind in ways that no one should. _

Fenris made to stand up when Hawke suggested a table. The elf was hesitant, but decided to follow her.

"I have been thinking…" Fenris began once he sat down across from Hawke. "I am not sure why I decided to … do that to you." Fenris lifted his hand to make her understand. He averted Hawke's stare. "I did not act appropriately. I…" He broke off wanting nothing more than for Hawke to begin talking; to rescue him from his obvious failed attempt at his explanation. His hands clenched under the table. _I have prepared for this. For days I sat at that forsaken mansion rehearsing what I was going to say. I asked for her forgiveness hundreds of times. For days, I looked at that damn door wondering when she was going to walk through. But she didn't. Argh! Why does she not speak?_

"Hawke, I am not good at this." The anger in his voice mixed with a bit of what…sadness? Hawke thought.

But still, Hawke didn't speak.

"Hawke?...Fine. I will not stoop down and beg." Fenris made to get up.

"You came back," Hawke's voice faltered. In those three words, Fenris heard her sadness. Unsure if it was because he did or because she thought he wouldn't come back, he decided to ask her.

"Does it please you?" Fenris inquired sitting down once again.

Hawke couldn't help but smile at his choice of words. _Please me? Maker Fenris everything about you pleases me. Even your damn brooding. What girl wouldn't like the honor of making you happier with kisses and restless nights?  
_

"Is this what _you_ want Fenris? Do _you_ want to keep being a part of our band?"

"_Keep being_ Hawke?" Hawke peered at Fenris. _Does he really think that he isn't a part of our pack?...Maker he does._

"You were a part of us from the moment we talked outside of the mansion that first day Fenris."

The low scoff that came out of Fenris told her otherwise. "Then why does the abomination keep glancing over here. Is he afraid I will harm you Hawke?" Fenris closed his eyes. He wanted to take it back as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I have a rule Fenris." Hawke's voice was filled with mirth. _Enough of this depressed elf. _ "You get one go at ghosting a hand through my chest. No bad feelings. No repercussions. Next time you do though, those hands will not be attached to that body. What a tragedy that will be."

"Is that so?" Fenris felt his lips betray him. The light tug of his lips that formed a smile seemed to occur for Hawke more often than he'd like.

"That goes for everyone Fenris. Don't go thinking you're special."

"We couldn't have that could we?"

Hawke shook her head smiling at the elf.

"Does it please you that I am back Hawke?" Fenris' expression hardened. He wanted an answer. He wouldn't leave without one. He had decided and he would follow through. He would stay only if she'd want him to stay.

"Why are my opinions important Fenris?"

"I do not know Hawke. They should not be. You should mean nothing to me." Fenris closed his eyes as a small groan escaped him. "That did not sound like it should have. I just…"

"It's okay. I understand Fenris." _Not intervening when he was struggling nearly made him leave forever. Not doing that again._"I am happy with whatever decision you want to take."

_Maker Hawke! Just tell him. Tell him you want him around to stare at. Tell him you want to touch him again. Tell him you would give anything to have his hands on you. Tell him you want to kiss him. Maker why didn't I kiss him when I could have? TELL HIM! _

Hawke bit her lip steadying herself for her confession.

"I will tell you what I want after you tell me your decision"

_Gah! IDIOT! No! Tell him you want him. Tell him he's the sexiest man you've ever seen….sexiest man you've ever heard….sexiest man you've ever tasted. Damn it Hawke. No other man will taste like mint. Hmmm…mint and chocolate…Oh yummy! Next time he begs me to taste him… I'll make sure to smear chocola…_

"I…" Fenris voice stopped Hawke's fantasy. "I wish… to stay Hawke." Fenris' doubt was obvious.

"You sure?"

"Did I not sound sure?" Fenris snarled.

"Sorry." Hawke put up her hands to signal she meant no harm.

"Now. Do you want me to stay or to leave, Hawke?"

Hawke toyed with the idea of telling him she wanted him to leave. _Right Hawke. Like he would take that as the joke it was intended to be. Stupid elf, should sign him up for some lessons on how to be social._

"I want you to stay Fenris."

"Why?" The word escaped him before he even made up his mind about asking it. A growl escaped him as soon as he realized the question had been his. "You do not have to answer, Hawke. I will take my leave." He stood up determined to get to the door in as little strides as he could.

"I like being around you." Hawke's seductive voice reached his ears, but, no he wouldn't stop. He was out the door before he could look back at her.

_And it would be hard to get you in my bed if you weren't talking to me Fenris. _

The elf steadied himself outside of the Hanged Man. She did something to him that he didn't understand. They didn't know each other that well, yet something was happening. He had followed her to the wounded coast. Afraid that she might need help, but she hadn't. He had witnessed Hawke slip money to the slaves when no one was looking. Who would do that? What would she get out of it? Hawke was unlike any he'd met before. She intrigued him and a part of him knew, he intrigued her. Somehow, that thought was just what he needed.

***hmm...was it me or was this a little weak? :D I was writing this when suddenly an idea popped in my head about what happened during those three years ;) Couldn't really concentrate on this atm lol. Was going to make a new story but I think I can fit that idea in here ...might get a little fast paced now to reach those three years faster :D**

***Once again thank you to all that review. You make my heart swoon as much as Fenris does ;) Really appreciate it ladies n gents  
**


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